Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, popularly known as Chappell Roan, is an American singer and songwriter. She is known for her unique–dare I say, alarming–makeup choices and her rebellion from her conservative Christian upbringing.
Recently, Roan appeared on the “Call Her Daddy” podcast. The popular podcast host Alex Cooper, is known for fostering dialogue around themes of sex and so-called female empowerment. Their discussion ran typical of the podcast’s vulgar topics and off-handed comments, but one particular sound bite made its way around the internet. Particularly among mothers.
During their discussion, Cooper asks the pop star if she remains close with her friends back home. Roan notes that most of them have settled down with their own marriages and children. She explains that they are in very different places in life.
Cooper then asks, “Do you want that?”
Roan begins by saying that she is unsure and wonders if it will be legal to “marry” her same-sex partner when the time comes.
Then, she drops the soundbite heard around the internet:
“All of my friends who have kids are in hell. I don’t know anyone–I actually don’t know anyone who’s happy and has children at this age.”
Chappell Roan is currently 27 years old. She continues,
“Like, a one-year-old, three-year-old, four and under, five and under…I literally have not met anyone who’s happy, anyone who has light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.”
Cooper chimes in, “So, it’s not looking too good.”
Roan then questions why her own parents even took on parenthood, explaining that she is the oldest of four children.
The “Pink Pony Club” singer adds that her friends who are mothers are supportive of her lifestyle and career.
The internet responded to Chappell’s remarks on the vocation of motherhood.
Some users were offended by her comments, while others felt a level of compassion towards the singer’s ignorance.
I shared my response as a Catholic mother of four children on my personal Instagram page:
My response directly addresses Chappell:
“Hi Chappell, I’m Caroline, and I have four children. Three of which are in the age bracket in which you refer to it being hell. I’m not going to say that it’s easy because it’s really not, but I would agree with you. Unless you know the difference between happiness and joy, parenthood may not be for you. There’s nothing that brings me more joy and disrupts my selfish pursuit of happiness than being a parent.”
In the video’s caption, I elaborate on the concept of temporary happiness versus lasting joy, saying,
“Parenthood is the school of happiness vs joy.
If your main goal in life is happiness, don’t seek out parenthood. If you can imagine living on little sleep, abiding by someone else’s schedule, and sacrificing the simple pursuit of happiness in everything you do, then parenthood may not be where God is calling you.
But don’t be mistaken, parents are some of the most joyful people when it comes down to it. Because human beings are made for love and sacrifice.
Happiness is fleeting, temporary, conditional. Joy is a steady stream of gratitude and well-being.”
Kristan Hawkins, president of Students for Life of America (SFLA), also responded to Chappell's soundbite. Hawkins is also a mother of four.
The text reads, “Being a mother is awesome. Don’t believe the lie that kids ‘ruin your life.’”
In the caption, Hawkins said, “I have four children and am happy. Anyone else?”
Users responded positively to our videos:
“Lack of sleep doesn’t equal lack of joy!” one woman said.
Another user revealed,
“They are in hell because they depend on someone else to bring them happiness. Children are a blessing but they are not responsible for your unhappiness…you are. I have two boys. Been through sleepless nights and so many trials BUT they have shown me what it really means to be selfless and what love truly is supposed to look like. ❤️”
Other users echoed my explanation of happiness versus joy, saying,
“I was not always happy when my kids were little (or even now that they are grown.)There were stressful times and times where I severely lacked sleep. But you know what? I was still fulfilled and thankful for my children. There is a joy that is far superior to simple happiness that comes from being a mother. And the moments of happiness far outnumbered the moments of frustration and doubt.”
What the Catholic Church Says About Motherhood
The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains that the vocation of motherhood is central to the physical and spiritual formation of the future Church.
In his letter to women, Saint Pope John Paul II thanks women who are mothers:
“Thank you, women who are mothers! You have sheltered human beings within yourselves in a unique experience of joy and travail. This experience makes you become God's own smile upon the newborn child, the one who guides your child's first steps, who helps it to grow, and who is the anchor as the child makes its way along the journey of life.”