Catholic Comedian Jeremy McLellan posted a hilarious video on Twitter describing the true “meaning” of Lent.
In the video, McLellan’s commentary covers the Lent’s origins and rules, common fasts and penances, and typical “competition” involved during Lent.
Of course, it is all a satire!
Check out his hilarious video below:
— Jeremy McLellan (@JeremyMcLellan) March 6, 2019
His video’s caption reads, “Today is #AshWednesday, the beginning of #Lent. But what does it all mean? I’m here to help.”
Here’s the text of his video:
“Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. The Christian season observed by Catholics, orthodox, and Protestants who are pretending to be Catholic or Orthodox.
“Also known as Christian Ramadan, Lent is 40 days of fasting, prayer and good deeds. All leading up to Easter Sunday when Jesus rose from the dead and defeated the Easter Bunny in hand-to-hand combat.
“Historically, the observance of Lent goes all the way back to an ancient Catholic document known as the Bible, which tells the story of Jesus fasting for 40 days in the wilderness while being tempted by Satan to run for president.
“So what are the rules? Well, traditionally, Catholics were to abstain from meat and only eat one normal meal and two small meals per day. Which for Americans, comes out to around 6,000 calories.
“Catholics can, however, eat fish–a loophole invented by McDonalds in the 1960s to get rid of all their worst sandwiches.
“Another common practice is to pick something personal to give up during lent, like chocolate, coffee, or being Protestant.
“But be creative. For example, Judas gave up Jesus, Enron Con gave up an Indian pilot, and despite all his promises to the contrary, Rick Astley gave up you.”
“Of course, it’s important to remember that Lent is not a secular holiday. It’s about God, not you. It’s about self-denial, not self-improvement.
“That’s why this year, I’m proud to announce a Lent-themed board game that I invented where you advance one square where you could have died, but didn’t. It’s just a calendar.
“But whatever your religion, remember this: seven years from now, in 2026, the beginning of Lent falls on the same day as the beginning of Ramadan.
“Who will fast the most? Who will say the most prayers? Who will give the most to the poor?
“Start practicing now, because the winner gets the Holy Land.
“From Ash Wednesday, I’m Jeremy McLellan.”