27 Delightfully Terrible Christian Puns to Annoy the Heck Out of Your Friends With

by -
DR / ChurchPOP

Everyone hates a great pun. The better the pun, the more it is despised.

But whether you are for pun-control or not misses the point: Shouldn’t Christians enter boldly into all culture-making fields and win them for Christ? And shouldn’t that include status update text fields on Facebook, tweet fields on Twitter, and especially the body text fields for email forward chains?

So we here at ChurchPOP have scoured the Internet for the absolute worst Christian puns ever conceived. Now you just need to help spread the misery.

Enjoy!

1) What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?

Crown Him with Many Crowns

Extra points: Holy, Holy, Holy

2) Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?

The Dmin chord.

3) What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?

The Great Commission

4) Where was Solomon’s temple located?

On the side of his head.

5) How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

Ok... interested. Tell me more. / Jesus Gifs
Ok… interested. Tell me more. / Jesus Gifs

6) Who was the smartest man in the Bible?

Abraham. He knew a Lot.

7) What kind of man was Boaz before he married?

Ruthless.

8) Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

9) Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?

It was a bird of pray.

10) Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?

Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Now these are just stupid.
Now these are just stupid.

11) Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

Samson. He brought the house down.

12) What car make did the Apostles drive?

Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.

13) Who’s the patron saint of poverty?

St. Nickeless.

14) Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?

The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.

15) What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?

A convertible.

Almost funny? Almost?! / Jesus Gifs
Almost funny? Jesus says, “Umm… no.” / Jesus Gifs

16) What’s the best way to settle church disputes?

With canons.

17) Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?

“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)

18) How long did Cain hate his brother?

As long as he was Abel.

19) At what time of day was Adam created?

A little before Eve.

20) Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?

They were using fowl language.

Ok, so this is starting to get a LITTLE BIT funny...
Ok, so this is starting to get a LITTLE BIT funny…

21) What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?

Jesus can’t be topped.

22) What man in the Bible had no parents?

Joshua, son of None

23) Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?

He was in ‘de Nile.

24) Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?

He didn’t want to split hairs.

25) Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?

To get to the other side.

26) If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?

Because he would be several thousand years old.

27) Need an ark?

I noah guy.

Now, come on, that wasn’t so bad!

Jesus Gifs
Jesus Gifs

Comments

comments

59 COMMENTS

  1. I really love your website.. Excellent colors & theme. Did you build this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my own site and would like to know where you got this from or just what the theme is named. Many thanks!

  2. I truly love your site.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you create this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my very own blog and would like to learn where you got this from or what the theme is named. Many thanks!

  3. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this excellent blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this website with my Facebook group. Chat soon!|

  4. Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!|

  5. Generally I do not learn post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, quite great post.|

  6. You actually make it appear so easy with your presentation however I in finding this topic to be really one thing which I feel I might by no means understand. It sort of feels too complicated and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward to your subsequent publish, I will try to get the cling of it!|

  7. Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My website is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would genuinely benefit from some of the information you present here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Thanks!

  8. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!

  9. I actually came right here via some other page about phone number locator and imagined I might as well consider this. I adore the things I see thus now I am following you. Getting excited about going over the blog all over again.

  10. I am really loving the design of your blog. Do you face any kind of browser compatibility problems? Quite a few of my blog visitors have complained concerning my router home address site not operating the right way in Explorer but looks amazing in Safari. Do you have any advice to assist repair this issue?

  11. I’m impressed, I ought to say. Definitely hardly ever do I encounter a blog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you might have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the concern is something that not sufficient men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am quite content that I stumbled across this in my search for some thing relating to this.

  12. A 2010 Talent Shortage Survey conducted by Manpower, has found that nursing positions are #3 in demand among all careers. Be sure to look at the published article for more information!Article From Article Directory DatabaseA Closer View Into The World Of Life CoachingA Closer View Into The World Of Life CoachingFebruary 13, 2013 | Author: Glen James | Posted in EducationIf you decide to go into life coaching, you can receive a great deal of career satisfaction. In case you left click on and drag to highlight the paragraph you may find out they DO NOT host iPod downloads of any kind! In actual fact they’re only promoting you, for $37, a list of other sites that DO offer an obtain service. Employing an indicator alongside a few other marketplace analysis practices is definitely a wonderful method to have a look at your money grows, moreover to shield it from market volatility. Each individual element contains a creative many benefits which could make buying and selling much simpler specially to people today which are regarded as newbie traders.
    Cheap NFL Jerseys Free Shipping http://www.cheapjerseyswholesalejerseys.us.com/

  13. I think this is among the most important information for me. And i am glad reading your article. But want to remark on some general things, The website style is ideal, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

  14. I must get across my affection for your kindness in support of persons that really want assistance with that question. Your very own commitment to passing the message all through had been remarkably helpful and has truly helped some individuals like me to achieve their endeavors. Your useful tips and hints entails a whole lot to me and still more to my mates. Best wishes; from everyone of us.

  15. Aw, this was a very nice post. In thought I would like to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and precise effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and under no circumstances seem to get one thing done.

  16. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  17. I actually came over here from a different web address on Arvind Pandit and considered I might as well look at this. I really like the things I see thus I am just following you. Getting excited about looking over the site all over again.

  18. Superb site you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really love to be a part of group where I can get feedback from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Appreciate it!

  19. Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to
    her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and
    it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
    LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to
    tell someone!wholesale ncaa jerseys

  20. This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

  21. Thank you so much for this awesome article! I seriously enjoyed reading it.I will be sure to bookmark the blog and definitely will return later on. I would love to encourage that you keep on with the nice job, maybe think about lucky patcher no root also, have a wonderful evening!

  22. Admiring the time and effort you invested in your blog and in-depth material you display. It is wonderful to find a blogging site once in a while which is not the same out of date re-written information. Great read! We have bookmarked your webpage and I’m including the RSS feeds to my real estate management website.

  23. I have been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or blog posts on this kind of area . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this site. Reading this information So i’m happy to convey that I have an incredibly good uncanny feeling I discovered exactly what I needed. I most certainly will make sure to don’t forget this website and give it a glance on a constant basis.

  24. Howdy, you’re certainly right. I always go through your articles attentively. I am furthermore thinking about real followers for instagram, you could talk about this from time to time. Have a great day.

  25. Oh my goodness! an awesome post dude. Thank you Having said that I’m experiencing problem with ur rss . Don’t know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody obtaining identical rss problem? Anyone who knows kindly respond.

  26. Wow I found this place on Yahoo poking around for something else entirely, and now I’m going to need to go back and go all the old material. So much for free time today, but this was a spectacular find.

  27. There’s great changes on the structure of your blog, I certainly enjoy this. My website is about pokemon go version and there are a lot of things to be done, I am currently a newcomer in webpage design. Thanks!

  28. I was speaking with a friend of my own about this info and even about shipping freight rates as well. I do believe you made some very good points here, we’re also looking forward to find out more stuff from you.

  29. I am really curious to learn which site system you’re utilizing? I am experiencing a few slight protection difficulties with the most recent site related to free full movies online and I’d love to find a thing much more risk-free. Do you have any solutions?

Leave a Reply