27 Delightfully Terrible Christian Puns to Annoy the Heck Out of Your Friends With

by -
DR / ChurchPOP

Everyone hates a great pun. The better the pun, the more it is despised.

But whether you are for pun-control or not misses the point: Shouldn’t Christians enter boldly into all culture-making fields and win them for Christ? And shouldn’t that include status update text fields on Facebook, tweet fields on Twitter, and especially the body text fields for email forward chains?

So we here at ChurchPOP have scoured the Internet for the absolute worst Christian puns ever conceived. Now you just need to help spread the misery.


1) What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?

Crown Him with Many Crowns

Extra points: Holy, Holy, Holy

2) Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?

The Dmin chord.

3) What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?

The Great Commission

4) Where was Solomon’s temple located?

On the side of his head.

5) How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

Ok... interested. Tell me more. / Jesus Gifs
Ok… interested. Tell me more. / Jesus Gifs

6) Who was the smartest man in the Bible?

Abraham. He knew a Lot.

7) What kind of man was Boaz before he married?


8) Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

9) Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?

It was a bird of pray.

10) Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?

Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Now these are just stupid.
Now these are just stupid.

11) Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

Samson. He brought the house down.

12) What car make did the Apostles drive?

Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.

13) Who’s the patron saint of poverty?

St. Nickeless.

14) Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?

The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.

15) What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?

A convertible.

Almost funny? Almost?! / Jesus Gifs
Almost funny? Jesus says, “Umm… no.” / Jesus Gifs

16) What’s the best way to settle church disputes?

With canons.

17) Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?

“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)

18) How long did Cain hate his brother?

As long as he was Abel.

19) At what time of day was Adam created?

A little before Eve.

20) Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?

They were using fowl language.

Ok, so this is starting to get a LITTLE BIT funny...
Ok, so this is starting to get a LITTLE BIT funny…

21) What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?

Jesus can’t be topped.

22) What man in the Bible had no parents?

Joshua, son of None

23) Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?

He was in ‘de Nile.

24) Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?

He didn’t want to split hairs.

25) Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?

To get to the other side.

26) If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?

Because he would be several thousand years old.

27) Need an ark?

I noah guy.

Now, come on, that wasn’t so bad!

Jesus Gifs
Jesus Gifs




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